Entertaining stories

If you ever want a really good laugh, ask the driver of a late-night bus route about his experience with inebriated persons on his route. Besides the obvious ones about people who can't count change for the fare, or ask whether this is the bus they want, forget the answer, and come back a couple minutes later and ask again, here are some of the gems I got from my driver the other night:

• One night a regular gets on the bus, and the driver stops at what he knows to be the guy's stop, even though the guy didn't pull the stop signal. The guy doesn't stir. The pause is getting uncomfortable, so the driver gets on the intercom and says something to the effect of, "Man in the back, this is your stop." Still nothing. Well, what can you do? About an hour later, the guy wakes up, comes to the front and asks, "did I miss my stop?" The driver let him know they would be around to his stop again in about ten minutes.


• The bus went around a corner one night, and a guy with excessive alcohol in his system slides off the seat and wham, hits the floor. The guy doesn't move, so the driver slows and calls back asking if everything is ok. After a minute, the guy raises his head and says yes, he's fine, he just is still thinking about getting up.


• The driver is over at the lost and found office one day when he hears a call come in. It soon becomes apparent that the guy had lost his wallet on the bus (since otherwise he wouldn't have had money for his fare), but had no idea which bus he had taken, what time, or any other useful information. (Besides which, at least on this transit system, most wallets lost on buses don't turn up.)


• One night a guy tries to board the bus, the driver asks him to pay the fare, the guy kind of looks at him puzzled; the driver knowing he hasn't gotten through says again, "Sir, you have to pay the fare to ride." Whereupon, the guy looks frustrated and wailingly slurs, "Why do I have to pay? All I want to do is go home." After a little more equally unsatisfying negotiation, the police ended up having to become involved.

So finally, I'll end this with a recipe. It isn't a particularly good recipe, but it has two virtues: it is simple, and it is the only palatable way I know of to get rid of extra Mountain Dew.

The Mountain-rita
8 oz. Mountain Dew, chilled
1.5 oz. Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila
Mix
Add chipped ice if desired